Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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