I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
