I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
