ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
