Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
