I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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