Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
