Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
