Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
