I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
