i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
