i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
