i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
