i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
now i know why i became what i already was.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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