So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
