sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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