Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
