We're facebook friends in real life
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
