this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
