thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
