Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
