my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
