They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
