It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
