But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
