yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
