Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
