In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
