final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
