I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
