I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
