Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
