you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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