I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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