chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
