hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
