just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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