I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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