Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
