so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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