im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
