just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
