I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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