I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
