yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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