nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
