It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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