He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
