I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
