You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
