I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
